By Ryan Sparks
Spurred by interest in a recent article in which the author drafts the best football roster using only Pokémon, I started thinking: Which Pokémon would make the best quidditch team? Naturally, with Pokémon having supernatural abilities, I have to put some rules in place.
- This is picking the best from all six Generations of Pokémon. I’m not a “genwunner.”
- This will based on Pokémon’s base stats (Speed, HP, etc.), physical characteristics, and known personality traits. Sorry, no Psyducks on my pitch.
- It shall also be limited to bipedal Pokémon. After all, they need to be able to hold onto a broom and stay mounted. That’s something that a Rapidash or a Salamence just can’t do.
- No legendaries. We’re not going to get unfair here. Your Regigigas can Regi-go home
For those unfamiliar with the stats system in Pokémon, I’ve included the highest ratings for each stat (non-Legendary).
Defense: 230 (Only seven non-Legendaries have a defense stat higher than 140, though)
We start at keeper, where there are a lot of interesting things to keep in mind, based on your preference for a keeper. I, personally, want my keeper to be tall, strong, and have accurate passing. I’m a “pass first, drive second” kind of gal. With that in mind, my choice for a Pokémon keeper is Feraligatr. Standing at 7’ 07”, Feraligatr has more than enough range to guard the hoops. He also has a base defense stat of 100, further aiding that ability to be a defensive stalwart on pitch. His base attack is 105, making him a good offensive contributor. A speed stat of 78 isn’t great, but you honestly don’t need more than average speed in a keeper.
Next, we look to round out our quaffle lines. I like to play with the usual square on offense, with a lot of movement in the wings. With that in mind, my point chaser needs to bring the pain. They need to be a great defender with above-average speed to keep attacking chasers at bay. That leaves me to choose Pinsir as my point chaser. While his defense stat of 100 doesn’t jump off the page at you, it’s the balance of the speed stat of 85 that makes Pinsir a more viable option at point chaser. Sure, there are some Pokémon with 150 defense, but their speed is 45 or lower, and that just will not cut it for me, especially in a starting lineup. Pinsir also boasts an attack rating of 125, making it more than capable of scoring or dishing to one of the two wing chasers.
In my wing chasers, I want two things: speed and hands. I want at least somewhat competent defenders, but I really value them for speed and attack ability, which directly translates to how large of a threat they will be on pitch. My choice for my wing chasers is Infernape. Infernape is a great balance of attack, speed, and defense. With attack and speed ratings of 104 and 108, respectively, as well as being an ape with opposable thumbs, you have to respect Infernape’s offensive capabilities as a huge scoring threat. “But, Ryan, Infernape is only 3’11”!” Yeah, I know that. But when you’re as fast as Infernape is and have great hands, you don’t need to be tall. It’s also got the incredibly strong legs of a primate, which leads me to believe it has the ability to jump rather high to pull down Feraligatr’s passes. Throw in the fact that Infernape has a defense stat of 71, which is average, and I believe it completely warrants a choice for Infernape as the wing chasers.
Next, we have the beaters. Simply put, my beaters need to be top-of-the-line defenders, with great awareness. Defense wins championships, y’all. My personal choice is Marowak. Marowak is very good defensively, with a base defense stat of 110. However, it’s Marowak’s known skills that make me want Marowaks as my beaters. Marowak spends most of its life throwing its bone. That means it’s been spending its entire life getting pinpoint accuracy when throwing. Despite not being remotely fast (speed stat of 45), I think Marowak more than makes up for it by having pinpoint accuracy on its beats.
Last, but certainly not least, is a seeker. For me, the ideal seeker is long and fast. That’s what you want in a seeker. Unfortunately, that perfect balance can’t be found in the world of Pokémon within the given parameters (no legendaries; sorry, Mewtwo!). With that in mind, the seeker spot goes to Sceptile. Sceptile has great speed at 120, and while not possessing ideal height (5’ 07”), it’s going to be faster than the other seekers put against it. With that speed, it should be able to outmaneuver a lot of snitches, thus leading to many catches. My initial choice for seeker was Garchomp. However, Garchomp doesn’t have hands; it only has one claw at the end of each arm. It would be incredibly difficult to catch snitches with one scythe-like claw.